Hello my friends and family!

By the time you read this message across your computer screen, it will be less than 6 weeks until my return. I expect to return back to the states some time around June 15th. I’m already making plans for my weekends…thanks to my mom, my aunt and my cousin’s wife who have included me on a special “girl’s weekend, the following week of my coming home! Since my last blog posting much has happened which is the reason I have not been to cyber in such a long time! I’ve included more pictures of the dormitory, which is looking great. Leah came for the first time since ground-breaking to see it and she said she had tears of joy. She seemed very excited and impressed. She says (often) how proud she is of Deb and me. Likewise, I am proud. It still blows my mind that I’m actually project managing a dormitory, something I know nothing about (or at least didn’t until last month). Although the building is looking good, we’ve had a few upsets in the last couple of weeks. We “fired” our main/leadcontractor (the one that actually organizes the other workers). This was an initiative spear-headed by Leah. You see, this contractor has really taken advantage of this situation by paying himself huge wages (3x that of any of the other workers. He pays them from the amount that we give him. We heard that he takes a huge share of this money and pays them with what is left after he pays himself.) We also heard that he has been going around to all the locals telling them that “wazungu” are building a dorm so when they need materials, “we’ll” charge them more so that he and the local can make a few extra shillings. Since all receipts are hand written and nothing seems to have a set price, we are at the whim of what he tells us things cost. We even “caught” him paying one of the guys 100ksh “under the table” for “help” with sand. I believe Leah gently let him go (so she said) by telling him we couldn’t really afford his wages anymore. This has caused quite an uproar in the community; a protest if I can call it that! As a result the rest of the workers stopped showing up for work. We went four days without work. On the fourth day we had 7 men show up at the site looking for work (and some of them were the original men that started the job. I’m not quite sure what Ngumbau (the lead contractor) was telling his men or the community, but apparently there were some that didn’t listen since we had an abundance of men looking for work. I will admit that I was pretty nervous about all of this. I feared this dorm would not be completed before I leave. I wasn’t quite sure that the right decision was made to fire the lead contractor. But now after this past week, I know it was a good decision. The new men are awesome. They work even harder than the first team. I’m also glad to be “sharing the wealth” with other people. Different people have the opportunity to make a few shillings and I like to be able to say we didn’t spend our money in one place! One (of the many) of the things that has been really bothering me as of late which has stemmed from this whole experience of dorm building is the idea of trust…specifically, who to trust or believe. It hurts me to say that I feel like I can’t trust anyone and that I don’t know who to believe or what to believe is true. We even heard that the administrator (David) was taking a cut from the contractor’s portion of the money, which is why (we were told) he never wanted to bring up the subject of wages. Each time we suggested we pay each man separately so that every person received his agreed amount of wages, David would advise us to just pay the lead contractor and let him handle the money. Was there a reason for this kind of advising? I am very sad and very much tired of this kind of behavior that I’ve been experiencing since the beginning of this project and even since the beginning of my stay here in Kenya. It seems that so many people have an angle, a hidden agenda. Maybe every one of us has self-interest and/or a hidden agenda in this world and it’s just more apparent because I am living as a different person amongst this culture. I will tell you that I won’t lose faith in human-kind, but I will admit that I cry and I meditate often for relief and wisdom. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on the happenings of the dorm. Please send good energy/prayers my way for courage, strength and help in the completion of this building before I leave. Some of the other pictures that are posted are from a huge event that took place on Sunday at Terry’s Orphanage. I believe that I’ve mentioned before that Leah is not only the owner of an orphanage (which is not her full-time job, rather what she manages when she’s not working in Nairobi), she is the Vice President of a nonprofit organization called Child Life Trust. This organization helps orphanages by organizing charitable funding and supplies for many of the orphanages all over Kenya. Leah helps to organize events to raise money. She helps to organize food campaign drives. She puts on conferences and trains staff that work and manage orphanages so that they are educated on how to care for children and understand children right’s issues. Her most recent event that she organized was the coordinating of Billy Graham’s staff to visit the Machakos/Terry’s Orphanage community and hand out over 300 gifts to the community children. On Sunday, Terry’s invited over 500 community members (over 300 children and over 200 adults) to part-take in a ceremony, children’s gift opening and an afternoon meal to feed the community. It was utterly amazing and a huge success. The children felt so special to receive “American” gifts by Billy Graham’s representatives. (Note: Before someone here explained to me who Billy Graham was, I wasn’t familiar with him or his work. I was told that his organization collected gifts, had them wrapped and sent to Kenya for this event). The community felt very special to receive a full meal (perhaps the only meal they would eat for that day) of beans and corn (called githeri). Although it was a huge effort to coordinate, it was worth it. There were so many happy faces and I’m sure the children will remember the event for a very long time afterwards. The funny thing about giving Kenyan children American presents is two things: 1) Kenyan children don’t understand how to use almost everything they are given. And the parents are no help to teach the children because almost all of them are less educated than the kids. I can’t tell you how many things I saw that the kids had no idea how to use…simple things that we take for granted-bubbles, play-dough, balloons. Some of the older children were given deodorant and hand sanitizer. They had no idea what these things were used for. Imagine. I had to explain to James the reason a person would use deodorant. His questions and response was just as funny as my attempted explanation to a grown man that has never heard of deodorant. 2) The amount of trash that American gifts make is absolutely unsettling. After the event was over, the grounds looked like an American waste site. One of the staff said, “Renee, your country has much trash. We Kenyans have never seen so much American trash. Can you tell me, in your country, do you see just as much Kenyan trash?” Of course, he was just being smart, and it was a bit humorous the way he said this to me, but in many ways it was also very sad. Well, once again I thank you very much for reading my stories and looking at my pictures. I apologize to any of you that have not received email responses from me. Since this project has started, my time at the cyber café has been so minimal. We’ve had to remain at the worksite at all times to oversee the work. Please know that I think of all of you often and look forward to my return home which will be very soon! Love to all! PS For those of you that don’t know this about me, I LOVE my birthday and it’s coming up! 21 days and counting!!!

Hello everyone!

This blog message is more about pictures than my words! We are making much progress and by the looks of things we will be completing the new dorm by the end of this month! Can you believe it? I'm so excited. Deb and I continue to iron out all the quarks but it's going really well! Many of you are asking if or how you can contribute....YES! If you would still like to help, we could still use your contributions. You can go through GVN, but it would be better if you didn't because when I leave in 8 weeks, GVN will no longer support my orphanage. There's a chance the money won't get to Terry's in time. So it is better if you just send a donation in cash or check to my home. Your donation will not be tax deductible this way, but please know the benefit is that the children will DIRECTLY benefit. I will make sure of it. If you still want to help, we will use your money to do little projects with the dormitory and the grounds (we want to build shelves, add some electricity in the bathrooms, purchase more tables and chairs for the kids to sit and do homework, purchase books and make a REALLY SAD library better...etc). Your money WILL be put to good use, I promise. Make checks and send to: Jason Nyberg, 2538 Chamberlain Ave., Madison, WI 53705 Blessings!

G’Day Everyone!

I’d like to start off this message with a sincere thank you to all of you that have been emailing me in response to my most recent “mass” email. I apologize if you were not included on my email list. It’s never my intention to not include people when I send out email. I’ve been here for almost 4 months and when I receive messages from “home” it gives me energy to continue doing what I am doing. Thank you for your help and continued support. Please know that I am behind on email as I haven’t been in town in the past week and replying to email has been slower than I’ve intended. I’m happy to report that there has been much success in the beginning of the dormitory that Deb and I are coordinating to build. Please look at the most recent pics of the first week. The foundation was poured on Saturday! It’s been a very good but very exhausting first week. Never in a million years did I think I’d be in a position to coordinate such a huge project coupled with the fact that it’s in another country! It’s been really, really difficult for me…not physically, but mentally and emotionally (as I’m sure you may have gathered from my last blog message). There has been much micro-managing that Deb and I have had to keep on track with this week. We balance each other out quite well and I’m proud to say that we have had a lot of success this first week. Not only are we building a structure that will remain a permanent part of these children’s lives and this community, but our funding has given MANY people the opportunity to benefit. We have created jobs for so many men and women. We have created work for construction men, men to make materials, men to transport many of the materials we need and women to carry water (since there is no running water there needs to be water carried in by buckets…and if you know anything about construction (which I’m learning very quickly), it takes a lot of water to make a building and keep people well hydrated!). It’s amazing to me what one (what I consider) small structure can create in terms of opportunity for people. Like I mentioned above, the foundation was laid on Saturday. We brought in 8 men to do this work. There were here from 7:30am to almost 9pm. We fed them one meal of beans and corn (called githeri). We gave them two tea breaks (the second one at 5pm included a half loaf of bread) and paid each man approx. 250 shillings (we paid extra this day because of the long hours they worked) (approx 70 shillings = US$1.00). I sometimes think that in the states, we take for granted the machines that combine and pour a mixture of materials that come out as cement. These men used shovels, 4 wheel-barrels, and a lot of human strength to do very hard work. I was so appreciative and proud but at the same time saddened. These men were happy of how much they were given for a day’s work of labor yet very tired. David (the orphanage administrator) thanked me immensely and reminded me of how much work this construction project has brought to this community. He thanked me for all the mouth’s this would feed because of their labor wages. One of the women that works at the orphanage said to me “Renee, you have a lot of money.” My response was one of question. What makes her think “I” have a lot of money? She replied that I must have a lot of money if I can afford to build a dorm. I told her that I asked over one hundred people to help me…to donate money for this cause. I’m not sure she quite understood that this dormitory is not being built because of my money but because of all of you that sit here reading this blog. I don’t know if they will understand this, but “I” do…and for this, on behalf of them, I’m grateful and say thank you. I have to whole-heartedly admit that this week would not have happened as smoothly (which wasn’t really smooth at all, to be honest) as it did, without the help of Deb. I could not have asked for a better partner on this project. Deb, if you are reading this, for the millionth time (no exaggeration), I thank you. Every day I tell her how thankful I am that she’s doing this with me. She is focused, task oriented, businesslike and extremely trustworthy. We talk out every situation that arises. She is respectful in every aspect and it’s great to work with someone that is so organized and knowledgeable. Who would have ever thought I’d get so lucky to find such a wonderful person and friend to work on this project with (and what synchronicity that she’s actually managed construction before! I mean, what are the chances? Seriously! I’m very lucky and she hears it from me all the time!). As for the kids, they have been seeing what’s been happening this past week and they are excited! The timing of this project could not have been better (again, more synchronicity!) since school works a bit differently here than in the states and the kids have off until the end of this month. This means that many of the children have taken “holiday” from the orphanage to visit extend families or guardians. If you’ve been reading earlier blogs or might remember, many of the children in this orphanage are orphans because they no longer have parents although they do have aunts, uncles or grandparents. They are in this orphanage because guardians are too poor or conditions are too bad for these children to be with their “legal” caretakers. These next few weeks are bitter-sweet for many because although they know they will come back to better living conditions, they are a with their caretakers which bring about much sadness for them on so many different levels. I can remember these children coming back from their Christmas break. Many were so relieved to come back. There were many smiles but there were also many, many tears. I am sad to say that I fear this “break” will be no different. Although this time, they will come back to a new dining/study hall and dormitory! And I’m also happy to report that I’ve been told this building might be completed in 4 weeks. Many of you reading this might ask me if I plan to come home earlier if this project is completed ahead of schedule. I can’t say what the future holds but as it stands to date, I have to be out of Kenya (because my visa expires) by June 13th. I am planning to leave a bit earlier to meet my friend Erika (MFE as I like to call her…the wonderful woman that brings the beauty and organization to my blogs!) in Amsterdam. We are planning on traveling together sometime around June 9th and arriving back to the states sometime around June 15th, if all goes according to planned. I’ll keep you all informed! On a personal note, I remain healthy and strong. Although I have bouts of mental exhaustion, I am doing well physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have Deb in part to thank for this. We have both sort of felt that we haven’t been able to leave the orphanage grounds (or Machakos for that matter) since the beginning of the construction because of all the coordination and fires that need our presence. Deb gives me time for my practice (yoga and meditation) and my training (runs). She remains around when I need some time off. On Friday I ran 12 miles through the Kenyan hills. I was pretty proud (and tired ;) )! I sensed the people at the orphanage that I told were pretty impressed (of course I didn’t tell them I ran miles-they use km for one thing, but told them I ran to Isyokoni Primary School. The response was of chuckles and comments of how far I ran!) It’s also been great (personally) to have another “westerner” with me (and one that enjoys cooking, eating western food and drinking an occasional glass of wine). I’ve thoroughly enjoyed different “home-type” foods since we’ve been together although this has put a bit of a strain on my relationship with Elizabeth. I know that Elizabeth feels it is her “soul purpose” to take of me while I’m here. She’s told me this. And with Deb here to do some of the cooking and provide an opportunity to be how I’m used to being as a person from the US, my relationship with Elizabeth has changed quite a bit. I’m quite OK with this but I know this hurts Elizabeth. There is not much I can do about this other than to remind her that I love her and to help her realize that it’s not personal. My hope is that she understands my position as westerner and volunteer that is here for the children first and foremost. Once again, I thank each of you who take the time to read my blog, to send me emails and/or call me. Words can’t express how much I miss you. Four months have gone by quickly, in one way, and so slowly in others. I am excited to continue my work here so that I can come home to you! Love to you all! PS Thanks Mom and Dad for calling me during the time I was writing this blog. It was great to talk with you and know that I miss you so much!

“Just as compassion is the wish that all sentient beings be free of suffering, loving-kindness is the wish that all may enjoy happiness…once we have cultivated a profound understanding of suffering in our own personal experience, it is easier to shift the focus onto others and reflect…from there we can develop the wish that they be freed of all suffering…”-- Dalai Lama I’ve had the pleasure and luxury to have some extra time to read while being here. For those of you that know me, you know my love for reading. I recently finished “An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life” by the Dalai Lama. I understand he’ll be in Madison next month and there is a huge part of me that wants to be home by the end of May so I may be able to see him. He had arranged to be in Kenya in January, however Kenyan President Kibaki would not allow him to enter the country. For those of you that may go to see “His Holiness” please keep me in your thoughts! This book has resonated with me so much the past few weeks. I want to use this blog entry to write about some of my personal feelings that I am currently having; feelings about my experiences in building this dorm in a different country, feelings I have about people and the Kenyan culture, and feelings about me as I try to make a place better than when I came in December. My hope is that my thoughts and feelings do not offend you or make you think poorly of me as I speak with honesty. I am happy to report that ground breaking happened on Monday, April 2nd! We had 4 construction men and the head board member (David) present for the first day of laborious work. Since the very beginning of this project (the planning all the way thru the first day of work), we have had to have daily communication about expectations, financing and scheduling. It has been exactly a week since we’ve begun and I am already (admittedly) a little tired. I have been in a constant struggle with my mind and my heart to keep compassion, loving-kindness and trust in people. Every brick, grain of sand, minute of labor and ounce of stone has been under negotiation of what it will cost. Deb and I are constantly reminding ourselves and all those involved that we only have so much money. If those that know the villagers and know what the expenses “should” be, they should be negotiating in OUR favor so that we aren’t being overcharged. On a similar note, I think about how “I” want to “be” with human beings so that I remain fair and equitable to people that are working so hard to complete this very difficult project. My heart hurts thinking about paying some of the men 150 shillings A DAY (approx $2.00) for hard, back breaking work. Could I pay more? This is considered really good money (and considerably more money than what a person would work for if they were hired by an African). I am sad that some of these men are doing the same work as others and making 400 shillings a day because they are the ones that did the negotiation with the wazungu (white people) and David. Should something be said? Where is MY place in this culture to make sure things are equitable? There is just so much I don’t know and possibly so much that I don’t understand to give rationale to these negotiations. My mind and heart worries about many things. The latest of my worries happened this morning where the workers said they should be getting tea 2 times a day. Who pays for this? They want Deb and I to pay. David tried to get us to agree to pay for them to have tea. However the money they make (yes the 150 shillings a day) is to include money for them to have food and tea. Leah has generously agreed to donate food for lunch so that they don’t leave the site each day. It would be so helpful if David or even Leah would help us out and tell us that we should subtract tea costs out of their wages since they are making “good money” (such a relative statement) already. Instead, we were put on the spot and asked to pay for this added expense (something that wasn’t put into our original budget). This is TEA we are talking about! Something I take for granted and drink every day. Could I not find my compassionate heart to spend money for tea for these men? But then I think, well, it’s not just tea for 4 men…it’s sugar, milk, water and tea leaves 2x a day, every day… and it won’t just be 4 men…more of the workers at the orphanage will want tea (tea is not given to any of the workers). Why have I not donated tea to Martin, Ken, Faith, James or Elizabeth all along and should I now if I give it to these 4 men? Where is the line drawn? And why do I feel that if I give them an inch, they’ll take me for the longest mile? There has been so many times in the past that I’ve felt people here have tried to stretch out as much as they can from me. My heart hurts to write this. Where is my compassion and my loving-kindness for human beings in a situation in which I would normally consider very mundane. I ask myself, when is it “OK” to say enough; that I’ve given all that I can give? Need I again say this is TEA! C’mon Renee! But this story can be applied to hundreds of situations that have occurred to me over the past few months. And this week has been no exception! And we aren’t just talking about tea…it’s how much a spade should cost, what time the workers should be at the job site, how much sand should cost, how much should be charged for delivering materials…all of this is negotiated with people. There must be trust so these negotiations happen fairly. But there are lines to be drawn between being a smart business person, being a kind person and being cautious so that I am not taken for granted because I’m seen as having (relatively speaking) more money in this culture. I hope that I am articulating this in a way that doesn’t make me sound cruel or unsympathetic. I am constantly asking for wisdom and knowledge with how to make decisions in this culture and with humans that are in less fortunate situations than I am. And I am constantly asking when is it OK to say “no” and when is enough, enough. And throughout I am asking for compassion and loving-kindness. Sometimes this is very hard for me. Sometimes my heart hurts because of how I think or how I act. Sometimes I see myself being mean. Sometimes I use historical situations that have caused me to be skeptical and applied them to a new situation in which skepticism was not needed. I try to use a “beginner’s mind” in situations, but when trust has been broken I have to ask for a lot of help to continue to approach each new person as a loving human being and to not generalize that all people in this culture are untrustworthy. I try to understand that each one of has the tendency to act and react because of our historical events and our present situations and circumstances. I am no different in this regard. I continue to try to accept that my skin color means money to many in this culture (and I say this because I have yet to meet an African who will tell me differently). This isn’t a judgment, it just is. Whatever their perception of me is for my culture doesn’t give me the right to cast judgment or act/react because of how I think they perceive me. I want to approach each situation in a new light…and for this I ask anyone that reads this for your support, your encouragement, your words of wisdom and your understanding of me and my thoughts, words and actions. I hope to continue to serve this world and human beings with love so that I may help to facilitate less suffering. And as the Dalai Lama so eloquently writes, “…compassion enables us to refrain from thinking in a self centered way…” This is something I continuously strive to attain while I’m here or anywhere I go, in whatever situation I come across in my lifetime. Thank you for listening and for your continued support. Love, Renee PS I’ve included pictures of the ground-breaking ceremony with the kids and of the first two days of work! There are also pictures of the kids with some of the new toys that you donated for them. They LOVE these little "make your own plastic balloons!" It was a Sunday afternoon of silliness and fun for them. THANK YOU!